Half Alive
by charliebrown122
Summary: Tiva Oneshot. Tony seems so alone, as if he is only half alive without Jeanne. Can Ziva help? Not Beta'd


DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, not the characters, not the show, not the song, nothing.

Listen to the song before reading; which is Secondhand Serenede 'Half Alive. I think it will make more sense.

(set just after Tony had left Jeanne)

He was slowly roused by soft snoring. He was still taking in what had happened that night. The sun was just rising and the soft, golden rays were falling on her, making her look so peaceful in her slumber. He silently lent over her and tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear, lightly stroking her cheek in the process. He let his hand remain lightly on her skin, allowing him to ensure that the intimacy of their situation was real, not just a dream that he had had many times before. By just observing her, simply watching her sleep, he felt a sense of security, even though he isn't in his own home.

_It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume  
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own  
I don't know if I'm home  
Or if I lost the way into your room  
I'm spiralling into my doom_

He didn't exactly know how it happened, it just did. He was so alone in his world, refused to talk to anyone about his feelings and his regrets. That night all he needed was a companion, a friend to listen to him and comfort him, to lean on. Ziva was that person.

_I'm feeling half alive, but I know one day_

_You and I will be free_

_To live and die by our own rules,_

_Free..._

_I'm almost alive, and I need you to try  
And save me.  
It's okay that we're dying,  
But I need to survive tonight, tonight._

He had been miserable all day, not talking unless totally necessary, not even correcting Ziva's use of American Idioms. Even when Ziva tried flirting to break his mood, he seemed totally oblivious. After Jeanne found out about his true identity and left him, he had built up an internal wall, and he seemed to be crumbling from the inside out. 'It was a mission,' He kept telling himself during his time with Jeanne, but he had fell so hard. Nothing now could blunt the amount of pain that he felt by telling her the truth. He kept telling everyone that he was okay, but it was hard, getting out of bed every day, knowing that his love was lost.

Ziva could sense that he was still hurting from the way that he looked. His face reflected the anguish of a broken heart, his movements suddenly brittle from the pain and his voice lacked the usual 'DiNozzo' charm that she had become so accustomed to. Every time she tried the get him to talk to her, he just denied any access to his feelings and instead deflected the subject onto her own miseries in love. Roy. That was low of him to bring up Roy. She had learned not to show love in Mossad, but working in America had begun to make her soft, she could not mask her feelings as well as she used to. This alone had prevented Ziva from pushing Tony to talk, she felt as if by pushing him to talk, she was, in turn, pushing her true feelings to the surface.

_Well excuse me while I get killed softly,  
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay  
At least 'til yesterday,  
You know you got me off my highest guard,  
Believe me when I say it's hard._

The idea of drinks after work that day had floated round the office, but Abby was going to a concert, McGee had to write chapter five for his latest 'Thom E. Gemcity' novel before his editor had his ass and Gibbs, well he was probably working on his boat. So that left Tony and Ziva. Ziva casually looked up from behind her computer to find that Tony had already packed up and was heading for the elevator, she called out for him but he ignored her.

'He can't go on like this, he will destroy himself,' part of Ziva had thought, the contradicted statement was that this wound was still fresh and needed time to heal, without anyone rubbing sand into it. Is it sand? No, it's salt. Stupid idioms. After seeing Tony leave she slowly packed away, after some encouragement from Gibbs. 'Go get some rest,' were his exact words. She didn't want rest, she wanted a drink.

She walked into the bar where the team usually go for drinks after work when they feel like celebrating a successful case or just a good week. She sat down and ordered her usual, and while she was waiting from her order, she surveyed the bar. There were a few people from NCIS scattered throughout the bar, when someone familiar caught her eye. It was Tony. He was staring into an empty whisky glass, she wasn't sure whether he had noticed her, and so she remained still, looking at him. He looked so lost. She slowly rose from her seat and began to cross the room; she was hoping that her presence had remained unknown to Tony, that this tie he couldn't run away from her. He had to talk to her.

_We'll get through this tonight  
And I know one day you and I will be free,_

_  
_Tony had headed straight to the bar from work. He had heard Ziva's offer but chose not to respond, he wanted didn't want to be with anyone, especially Ziva. He had grown close to her during her time at NCIS, he knew that she would be there for him, 'that is what partners are for,' she would say. But once his mission to infiltrate La Grenouille began, he had to set aside the feelings that he had for her and replace them with thoughts of Jeanne.

He sat himself down in the corner of the bar and ordered a large whiskey. He could hear the laughter radiating from the groups around, but all he was focused on was the strong spirit before him. He heard the bell on the door ring out every time someone entered, and he looked up every time it rang out, hoping that it would be a familiar face walking through the door.

_I'm almost alive, and I need you to try  
And save me.  
It's okay that we're dying,  
But I need to survive tonight, tonight._

Tony saw Ziva before she had seen him. He was hoping that he could blend into the background, with the rest of the lonely drinkers. Her eyes had settled on him from across the room, whilst she was sitting, waiting for her drink to arrive. He looked up from his drink to find that Ziva's seat was vacated. He looked around, over the heads of the other drinkers, but didn't find her.

"Looking for someone." She said, frightening him out of his daze with a simple touch.

_And you touch my hand ever so slightly  
(Girl we're not ready for this ye),  
And the deadly look she cast upon me  
I won't regret, I won't regret  
I won't regret. I won't regret..._

"Yeah, but I'll doubt that I'll ever see her again." He replied, settling her eyes straight ahead. He couldn't look at her. Not yet. He voice had shook when she had touched him.

"Look, I know how much you hurt right now, but you must stop beating yourself up." Ziva looked to see the exhaustion in his eyes.

"What if I can't? What if I have just made the biggest mistake of my life by letting her go? I shouldn't have led her along for the amount of time I did." His eyes remained distant, though his voice was raising.

"DiNozzo." His eyes flickered at the sound of his name, his real name. "Tony, you were doing your job. The director assigned that mission to you for a reason."

"Oh, why is that do you think? I mean do you think it's because I've played with every skirt within a ten mile radius." His eyes were suddenly on Ziva.

"No," Her eyes softened at his pained reasoning. "It is because you are a good man with a good heart, who would do anything to please someone. Make them smile. Make them laugh," His eyes were fully focused on Ziva. "Make them fall in love will you." She added quietly, her eyes cast down.

Tony slowly turned to look at Ziva, studying her soft, beautiful features that he knew well. Her deep, brown eyes expressed the emotions that she refused to put into words. She looked more beautiful now than he had ever seen her, her cheeks softly blushing at her sudden vocal admission. He slowly raised his hand towards Ziva's face, stroked away a piece of hair that covered her eyes.

"Look at me." Tony said, keeping his hand on her skin. Her eyes had found their way to Tony face; his expression had suddenly become softer than before. He felt more at peace than he had in a long time. All he wanted was to be alone tonight. But Ziva changed that. She had just changed everything.

_And I was trying to disappear,  
But you got me wrapped around you  
I can hardly breathe without you  
I was trying to disappear  
But I got lost in your eyes now,  
You brought me down to size now._

Ziva brought her hand up to cover Tony's that was still resting on her face. She took hold of it a put it on her heart. Tony could feel the steady beat of her heart. They had become oblivious to their surroundings, the sounds of the bar faded as Ziva leaned into Tony. They were millimetres apart when Tony stopped.

"Please," he whispered "Don't do this because you feel sorry for me."

"I feel everything but sorry." Ziva murmured. With that reassurance, Tony finally kissed her. It was the sweetest, softest, yet most passionate kiss he had ever experienced. All of the hidden feelings between them were being released into this one moment in time. When they pulled apart, Ziva leant her forehead onto Tony's.

"Let's go, Tony." Ziva said softly, before they slowly rose and left the bar. Only then did Tony know what it meant to finally be alive.

_I'm almost alive, and I need you to try  
And save me.  
It's okay that we're dying,_

_But I need to survive tonight, tonight.  
I need to survive tonight, tonight._

Hope you enjoyed that.

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